Cooking

I absolutely love cooking. It is one of my passions. I am self-taught and enjoy developing my own recipes. I relish the opportunity to cook for family and friends and enjoy the demands of making a three-course meal for a gathering. I love the challenge of having everything cooked to perfection, served up beautifully and meeting the dietary needs of my guests. I take pleasure in seeing my guests enjoy the food I serve.

So here is my guide to creating the perfect meal for you and your friends and family to enjoy.

Firstly, know your guests. This may seem obvious, but you need to know if someone has any food allergies or doesn't eat specific foods. Likewise, at the most recent family gathering I had, I had to amend my menu upon discovering my cousin was pregnant - the homemade mousse with raw egg was a no go. You also need to ensure the food you serve is age appropriate. I have a wonderful recipe for chicken, but it is cooked in a beautiful white wine sauce and would therefore not be acceptable to the children in my family.

Once you know your guests' requirements, you should chose your menu and select the recipes in advance. When cooking for a large group of people, I prefer to serve food I have cooked before. when cooking for myself or when visiting my immediate family, I am more than willing to try out new recipes. However, when I have a houseful of guests, I prefer to serve something I have cooked before. Likewise, don't run your evening restaurant style - there is no need to offer your guests a choice of food. Cook one main dish and your choice of sides. Either chose to serve family style, by passing serving dishes around (this will increase the washing up though!) or serve and let your guests leave what they don't like. At the last family meal, I did offer a choice of spicy curly fries (out of the freezer, I admit), boiled potatoes or mash (whatever boiled potatoes weren't used were available for mashing with butter and milk).

Shop wisely. I like to have the freshest ingredients possible and shop as near to the day as I can. Unless cooking for an evening meal, I prefer to shop the day before as this doesn't leave my stressed and pressed for time.

I do as much preparation as I can the night before. Foods to be served cold can be prepared in advance. Cold puddings or starters are great to prepare the night before. Homemade bread can be started the night before, taking minimal time the following morning to be finished. Sauces which are served cold, such as cranberry or bread sauce, can be prepared in advance and stored in the fridge. I also lay the table in advance, and close off the room overnight - I don't want the dogs getting in there and getting dog hair everywhere or breaking the glasses! If using candles, light them early enough that they are ready for when your first guest arrives. But remember, tea lights only stay alight for about four hours. Don't have an over-powering fragrance. And remember to switch your music on - you will want something fairly quiet for a meal, to enable your guests to chat, too.

Know your recipes. Know how long everything will take to prepare and cook. Soups can often be allowed to simmer on a low heat, stirring occasionally, which means that these can be started earlier, if necessary. Foods which are cooked in the oven, such as tarts or lasagne, allow you to mingle with guests, and can often be kept warm without spoiling if guests are late arriving. Vegetables, such as peas, sweetcorn or spinach, are quick and easy to cook, making them great sides.

Enlist the help of guests if they offer. My kitchen is tiny and at the last family gathering we had twelve in total. There was not enough counter space, so my sister, my cousin and I had a system going whereby someone dished up the main, someone added the vegetables and potato type, and someone ran the plates to the dining room.

Ensure drinks are freely available to your guests. If you are hosting the event on your own, greeting your guests whilst cooking can be difficult enough. You don't want to have to be running back and to worrying that your guests have drinks. Place bottles and jugs either at the table or on a side table and invite your guests to help themselves. Or, allocate a volunteering guest to ensure everyone has drinks.

And if anyone offers to do the washing up - let them!

Pregnancy Dos and Don'ts

Pregnancy can be a scary time for many women. The advice changes frequently, and whilst well-meaning, the advice given by women of older generations might not be thought of as current practice today. It is therefore imperative that women know what current guidelines and research recommends they do or do not do throughout pregnancy

Pre-pregnancy

Before a woman becomes pregnant, she should ensure she and her body are well prepared to cope with the changes she will experience over the next nine months. However, over half the babies born in the UK are not planned pregnancies and therefore women may not have prepared their body for the demands of pregnancy. Folic acid is an important B vitamin which can significantly reduce the risk of a woman having a baby with a neural tube defect, such as spina bifida. Ideally, women should start taking 400mcg per day at least twelve weeks before she plans to become pregnant, and until she is twelve weeks pregnant. The neural tube develops very early in pregnancy. Some women (such as diabetics, epileptics who those who have a family history of neural tube defects) may require higher doses of folic acid, which need to be obtained on prescription. Folic acid, at 400mcg, is available over the counter. Women should also ensure that they are as healthy as possible before they become pregnant.

Weight is an important issue, with women at either end of the spectrum at increased risk of pregnancy complications. Whilst this does not mean women who are underweight or who are obese will have these pregnancy complications, it does increase the risk that they will happen. These complications include pre-term labour, intra-uterine growth restriction (a baby which hasn't grown well and is much smaller than it should be - this increases the risk of stillbirth and complications for the baby following delivery), microsomal baby (a baby much larger than it should be), maternal health complications, such as gestation hypertension (raised blood pressure not associated with the other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, pre-eclampsia and gestational hypertension, and stillbirth.

Women should also give up smoking in the pre-conception period. smoking throughout pregnancy increases the risk of intra-uterine growth restriction, pre-term labour and stillbirth.

Pregnancy
No specific additional calories are required until the third trimester, and even then, it is only an additional 200 calories per day which are required. Dietary advice has changed considerably over the last generation. It also varies widely throughout the world, often with advice from the USA different to over here in the UK. This advice is based on UK recommendations. Once encouraged, liver is now something women are advised to avoid due to the high levels of Vitamin A found within it. The quantity of Vitamin A varies widely within liver, and the safe level of Vitamin A consumption during pregnancy has been greatly debated. The safety of consuming liver during pregnancy is, therefore, not known. All other meat should be thoroughly cooked to prevent infection with toxoplasmosis. Pre-packed meat, such as ham, is considered safe to eat in the UK.

Eggs are something pregnant women worry about. In the UK, women should buy eggs which display the Lion mark. To avoid the risk of salmonella, eggs should be well cooked, and homemade products which use raw eggs should be avoided. Factory produced products which contain raw eggs, such as mayonnaise, are pasteurised. If they are pasteurised, they are safe to eat.

Consuming certain cheese can cause an infection called listeriosis, which can be fatal to an unborn baby. Soft cheeses with white rinds and mouldy cheeses should only be eaten if they have been thoroughly cooked. All other cheese are safe to eat. Likewise, pasteurised milk, or boiled unpasteurised cow's milk is safe to consume. Yogurts and ice cream are also safe, including soft ice cream which has been pasteurised.

Certain types of fish are high in mercury, which can be damaging to an unborn baby. Fresh tuna should be limited to two portions per week or a maximum of four medium sized tins of tuna. Shark, marlin and swordfish are also high in mercury and should be avoided. Up to two portions of oily fish (and fresh tuna counts as oily fish) may be eaten per week. Smoked fish, such as smoked salmon, is considered safe to eat, and sushi may be eaten providing it has been frozen. Shellfish should be thoroughly cooked prior to eating.

Unless the woman has an allergy to peanuts, peanuts are safe to eat in pregnancy. Pate of all kinds, including vegetarian pate, should be avoided. Food hygiene is important during pregnancy. Fruit and vegetables should be washed thoroughly, and all soil removed to reduced the risk of toxoplasmosis.

No safe limit for alcohol consumption on pregnancy has been established. Therefore, the current advice is to avoid alcohol completely. One to two units once or twice a week are possibly safe although there is no conclusive research, and it is therefore best to avoid it.

Caffeine may be consumed up to 200mg per day. Whilst coffee provides high sources of caffeine, it is also present in tea, coke and chocolate.

Smoking has been linked to a number of complications of pregnancy, including preterm labour, low birth weight and an increased risk of stillbirth. Women should be offered the option of a referral to smoking cessation services, and, if needed, certain nicotine replacement therapies can be used, and are available on prescription.

Exercise during pregnancy should be encouraged. Women should continue their normal exercise regime as long as they want to and feel comfortable doing so. However, they need to be aware of changes to their body which could affect balance and the risk of injuries. They should not try and reach peak fitness levels during pregnancy. There is some research which suggests that babies of mums who exercise during pregnancy are better able to cope with labour. Pelvic floor exercises should be commenced and continued during pregnancy. The pelvic floor cannot be too tough, and a strong pelvic floor will help with labour and will recover better after labour.

Perineal massage can also be beneficial. This involves using sweet almond oil and gently massing and stretching the perineum (the area between the vagina and anus). This will reduce the risk of tears during labour. It can be quite uncomfortable at first, but many women find it more acceptable than a tear or an episiotomy (cut).

During pregnancy, sex is generally safe, although at the end of pregnancy, it may cause Brakton Hick's (false contractions). However, some women may be advised to avoid sex, including women who have had heavy bleeding during pregnancy and women whose membranes (waters) have gone. Women's sex drive may change during pregnancy, or they might wish to try new positions.

Flying is safe, but may require a doctor or midwife's note in the final trimester. Remember, however, that women are at increased risk of DVTs and PEs (blood clots) when pregnant anyway, and flying, due to the enforced period of reduced mobility, further increases the risk. Women should keep hydrated and mobilise as much as possible. Women should check with the airline before booking a flight, particularly in the third trimester, as different airlines have different rules concerning the latest gestation they will allow women to fly and from what gestation they require a doctor or midwife's note.

Pregnant or newly delivered livestock can carry infections, particularly sheep. These infections include chlamydiosis, Q fever, toxoplasmosis and listeriosis. These all may cause infection in the mother and miscarriage or stillbirth of the baby. Women are therefore advised to avoid lambing, calving or kidding and to not have any contact with aborted lambs. Clothing should be washed separately to normal clothing. A primary infection with toxoplasmosis during pregnancy, or immediately before, can have an impact on the pregnancy and the baby. Cats are one source of toxoplasmosis, and so women are advised to avoid changing cat litter, or should wear gloves when doing so. Women should also wear gloves when gardening during pregnancy due to the risk of the soil having been contaminated with cat faeces. Tests are available for most infections to confirm whether the woman has already been infected. However, these are not routinely offered to women in the UK. Women in high risk groups, such as those who keep sheep, may wish to discuss the possibility of screening early in pregnancy with their midwife.

Whilst pregnancy may appear to come with a long list of dos and don'ts, and it can at first appear a little overwhelming with conflicting advice coming from all directions, women should talk to their midwife or doctor if they have any concerns. There will usually be information available in their handheld records. Advice should be obtained from reputable sources, such as the NHS website to ensure the advice is current, up-to-date and evidence based.

Book Review - The Two Week Wait

Plot Summary

The Two Week Wait by Sarah Rayner is a novel about two women desperate to become mothers. Following a health scare, Lou wants nothing more than to become a mother. Her girlfriend has other ideas, and so they split up. Lou is unable to afford to pay for treatment herself, and is unwilling to join the NHS waiting list. She therefore contacts an old friend, who is prepared to go through the treatment with her and to be the father of the conceived child. Coincidentally, he already has frozen sperm stored, and therefore they do not have to wait six months to ensure they sperm is free from transmissible diseases.

At the same time, Cath is desperate to try IVF. She and her husband have been struggling with infertility for a while. They have now decided to use an egg donor, and are matched with Lou. This means that they also pay for Lou's IVF, thereby allowing her to afford the treatment, but meaning they take half the collected eggs.

Review

I found this book immensely interesting. This may simply be because I can identify with the two women in their need to become a mother. The characters seemed real, and the book discussed the struggles they all go through. Despite the fact that this book is a sequel to Rayner's first book, One Moment, One Day, I had not read the first book (being instead drawn to the title of this book on the shop shelf due to my own personal circumstances) and do not feel as though I was joining the story part way through.

The writing was good, the research had been done and as a consequence, the book was enjoyable. Definitely a book I would recommend.

Old TV series

I've been watching a couple of old but good TV series on Youtube lately. The first was a sitcom called Get Some In about national service in the 1950's in the RAF and the second is a drama called Soldier Soldier which is about a regiment of the Britsh Army in the early to mid 1990s. Both are really good and you should definitely look them up on Youtube.

My Last Delivery as a Student Midwife

I delivered my last baby as a student midwife a short while back. I was fortunate enough to also look after mum and baby on the postnatal ward and chat to her about her birth.

She was a second time mum and had had a speedy delivery with her first baby. We were hoping for the same. She was being induced for being overdue. I attempted to break her waters, but was unable to do so. The midwife failed, too, so the Sister came in and did it.

Contractions started slowly after her waters had been broken, and two hours later, she was re-examined with no change, so we started the hormone drip (syntocinon). After a short while, the contractions were really getting started, coming more regularly, more frequently and much stronger. She was soon begging for an epidural and pleading for the drip to be switched off.

The anaesthetist was contacted and asked to see her. By the time he arrived, about 10 minutes later, it felt that she was starting to show signs of second stage (being ready to push). Upon examination, she was fully dilated, so we explained to the mum that she was too late to have her epidural. She really wanted it, though.

Fortunately, the baby soon arrived. I delivered the placenta. There was minimal bleeding, and mum and baby were settled in for their first cuddles and for mum to start breastfeeding.

I found it a beautiful delivery. It was intense for mum, with being so quick, but she wasn't labouring for hours. She and baby were both safe and well, and there were no concerns with the delivery. Mum didn't think so; she felt it had taken a long time and that she didn't receive the pain relief she needed in labour. We chatted about the actual timescale, and went through the birth summary, which showed how long each stage of labour lasted. It was quick indeed, and she could see that afterwards.

Her delivery really taught me the importance of debriefing the woman and how the perception of different people in the room can be very different, and that is something I will carry in to my practise as a qualified midwife.

Old Boyfriends

Isn't it weird when you see an ex?

I was taking my grandmother to the polling station yesterday for the MEP elections, and I bumped in to an old ex as we were heading in. We just said hi, and that was it. It was weird seeing him. I knew him years ago, about eleven years ago. We had the most amazing time together, we spent a good few months with each other, all day everyday. I used to go to his house a lot and absolutely loved his family. His mum and I got on great.

We just drifted apart, though. We never argued or anything. I had seen him a few times around town.

I found out recently he was married. That was strange - he really wasn't the marrying kind (though we were about 16, so who was, really?) so it was weird to find out he was married. I suppose, really, it's like anyone from your past - it's difficult to imagine them any other way than they were when you know them.

Writing

I used to write on a website called Helium. That site is now closing down and not accepting new work. As a consequence, I may publish some of the articles on here that I wrote over there. Some may be relevant, others not so much.

Not Having Children

Not having children can be a lifestyle choice or something you cannot avoid. Some women see it as a good thing, and enjoy the freedom of not having to consider a needy little person who is demanding of their time and is the centre of the parent’s world. Other women would do anything in their power to have a child. They want to focus all their attention on their own baby or their own child. They would quite happily sacrifice their freedom and personal time for a family. But for various reasons, they cannot have that longed-for child.

When I was younger, I most definitely fitted within the first group. I wanted to be a career woman, travel the world and I didn’t particularly want children. If I did, they would go to boarding school and be raised by a nanny. This feeling was so deep within me that when I had a miscarriage as a teenager after having an unplanned pregnancy, I was relieved that the choice to do something was taken out of my hands.

Now, though, almost ten years later, I feel so much guilt about that. I sometimes even cry about it. Now, at the age of twenty seven, I no longer consider myself childfree. I now consider myself childless. I want nothing more than to become a mum. But, I am single and I don’t menstruate regularly. I fear I will never have another opportunity to become a mother. My chance to have a family has been and gone in that one miscarriage.

Seeing a pregnant woman in the street is difficult. I have a hollow, empty feeling in my stomach. My eyes fill with tears and the smile disappears from my face. My breathing quickens as I try to control my emotions. I have to try hard not to cry.

Sometimes easier, and sometimes more difficult is when people you know are having children. A number of my friends and similar-age family are having children. It is lovely to spend time with them and get to be the fun aunt. And I know that these children are loved. But sometimes, when I know that the mum is not in the best place to have a child, it can make it even more difficult. Jealousy, anger and resentment are just some of the emotions experienced.

I feel torn between supporting the mum and needing to protect myself from the hurt of seeing her experience all the things I want to experience. I feel I need time to adjust to this, and to retreat, lick my wounds and not let the mum feel any of my negativity. Sometimes, I just try to avoid it all together. It is easy in the early days, a simple congratulations and asking when it's due seems to do the trick. But as the pregnancy progresses, and the bump becomes more and more obvious, it's not always as easy.

At work, I manage to slip into a professional mode. I spend my working day surrounded by pregnant mums and newborn babies and manage to get through it. And this is how I must deal with those I know.

Despite this, though, I still go home with an empty heart to an empty house and desperately research ways I can become a mum.

Whilst some see the childfree life as a blessing, and are pleased to enjoy the freedom this brings, others view childlessness as a curse and would gladly exchange adult holidays and long, weekend lie-ins for the worry and joy a child can bring. Despite desperately wanting the single life when I was younger, I am now desperate to become a mum, regardless of the stresses that brings. Like many women, I will do everything my power to get there.