The Waitress

I used to write on another site, which has now closed down. I stored a load of the articles I had written there on here, and was having a look at some of them. I wrote a few short stories on there, which I probably need to tweak a little, but thought I would share them on here. I would welcome any feedback.

The Waitress

Mandy sighed as she changed the door sign over to closed. She sank down onto one of the chairs and sipped at her now-cold cup of coffee. She considered getting up and making herself a fresh one, but it just seemed like too much effort. She had had a hard day. One of the other waitresses had called in sick, and she had ended up staying on to do a double shift. 'I'm too old for this,' she thought kicking her shoes off.

When Mandy had moved to the city twenty years ago, she had taken on a waitressing job, thinking it would be a way to pay her bills until Mr Right came along. She had it all worked out. She would meet the very handsome and very rich Mr Right. They would marry, and she would never have to work again. She would have a couple of children, and would be a lady who lunches. She wanted to be like one of those celebrities she read about, having no worries other than fundraising for the latest fashionable charity and deciding which ball gown to wear.

Two years after moving to the city, Mandy had met someone who would do. He was nice enough, and Mandy enjoyed spending time with him. But he definitely wasn't rich. Mandy decided that, until Mr Right came along, Jim would do. A few months into their fling, Mandy discovered she was pregnant, and soon found out Jim's wife was too. She was furious. She didn't know whether she was angry that she was pregnant, angry that he was married or angry that she had fallen for him. She had bumped into Jim and his wife and new baby in the street when her little one was just four weeks old. It had taken all her willpower not to cry.

Mandy shook herself. She was starting to wallow in self pity. She might have lost the man she loved. But she had to be grateful for what she had. A beautiful daughter who was growing into an amazing young woman and a nice home. And an ever-expanding chain of up-market coffee shops. She might not have met the handsome man she had dreamed of, but she felt proud that she had still made it on her own. She poured her coffee down the sink and washed her mug. She had a charity ball to get ready for.

Raising Children

So, have you ever been drawn in to the spiral of YouTube videos? You start off watching one thing and then click on something else and something else and end up watching some truly bizarre stuff.

Earlier this week, I ended up on a video called 'Bringing Up Baby.' It was a channel 4 series from 2007 which followed six families for the first 12 weeks of their babies lives. It compared three different ways of bringing up baby. There was the 1950's method which was very strict with a rigid routine. There was the 1960's method of following your instincts and doing what is right for you and your baby. And then there was the 1970's method which was based on the traditional, tribal method where parents were in constant physical contact with the baby for the first six months.

Each method was followed by two families who were guided by 'mentors' who specialised in that method of baby care and was based on baby books of that era.

The 1950's method was based on the Truby King method. King recommended strict 4 hourly feeds day and night, plenty of fresh air (the babies were left outside in their prams, alone, between two of the daytime feeds) and minimal contact with the parents between feeds or nappy changes. Babies slept in their own room from the start and were easier to manage on formula than with breast feeding. Visitors were not only discouraged, they were banned from visiting for the first week or two. The nanny for this method was a woman called Claire Verity who described herself as a bitch. The two families were a couple in their 40s who were first time parents to twins and a family with an older child (of the mum) where the mum was a childminder and was keen to return to work.

The 1960s method was based on a book by Dr Spock. Spock believed that parents should follow their own natural instinct when raising a baby and that they would find the way which suited them. He wasn't prescriptive about anything and felt that the parents should be the ones to make all the choices. Babies could be bottle or formula fed, held as often as the parents chose, and slept in the bedroom next to the parent's bed. Visitors were welcome provided they were useful, such as helping out with the baby or cooking a meal etc. The priority was the baby and other responsibilities, such as housework, could wait. The nanny, and former children's nurse, was Dreena Hamilton. The families were both first time parents and one was a single mother.

The 1970s method was called the Continuum Concept and was based on a book by Jean Liedloff who had lived with, and studied, tribes living in the Amazon Rainforest. The children were kept with the parents for the first six months, they were carried everywhere, slept in the bed with the parents and were a part of day to day life. Visitors were encouraged. The nanny for this method was Claire Scott and the two families were first time parents.

The different methods were compared to each other, and the three nannies talked about a wide range of factors with each one. The main focus of the 1950s families and nanny was that the parents should be able to get their lives back. The main focus seemed to be on getting the babies to sleep through the night at any cost. At one point, when the twins wouldn't stop crying, Verity significantly reduced their one feed in order that they would take more milk at the next feed and thus sleep longer. Research has shown that babies have only tiny stomachs and therefore need only tiny amounts of milk initially, but require feeding frequently. The babies were also placed in their own room from the very first day when current guidelines are that babies should sleep in the same room as their parents, day and night, for the first six months. It seemed cruel to both the parents and the babies that the parents were not allowed to cuddle their babies freely (just 10 minutes after feeds) and were not allowed to make eye contact when feeding the babies. The mothers particularly were also distressed when they left the babies alone outside in their prams. Whilst physically that probably didn't do the babies any harm as it is done routinely in other, colder countries, it surely cannot be safe to leave a baby unattended outside, first due to the risk of abduction and secondly it is the whole sleeping away from their parents issue again. The child minder's baby was also started on baby rice or porridge very early. The programme only followed the families until 12 weeks of age, and she had been started on it by then. According to the current guidelines, weaning should not begin until six months of age due to the increased risk of allergies in children who have been weaned early.

The 1960s families didn't achieve the babies sleeping through the night (though the single mother was absent from the final episode), but didn't seem to put such high expectations on the family during the day. The single mother did change her baby over to hungry baby formula for night feeds, in order that the baby would sleep through the night, but Hamilton did advise against this as it wasn't in the baby's best interests. Hamilton did recommended weaning babies earlier than the current guidelines. She did follow current sleep guidelines to an extent in that the babies slept in the parent's room. During the day, this meant that they were sleeping away from their parents.

The 1970s families seemed to have the baby slot in to their lives naturally. Both breastfed, although the one mother struggled following an emergency caesarean section and her baby having to be bottle fed on the Special Care Baby Unit, although she persevered and was successful. This family seemed less in to the method in that they didn't constantly carry the baby and they did put him in the bouncer. They had slightly less success, it would appear, with this method than the second family. The second family slept well from the first night, seemed to find breastfeeding a breeze, and appeared to follow the method to the letter. The baby went everywhere with them and was always being held by someone. This method promoted only breast feeding but the sleeping practices are not in line with the guidelines which do not recommend bed sharing. It does state in the guidelines particularly if parents smoke, drink or have taken drugs. Verity and Hamilton seemed to believe that such guidelines were too difficult for parents to follow.

My gut tells me that the Continuum Concept would be the route I would want to go. The idea of raising my baby the way we have been doing for millions of years, appeals to me. I am all for natural parenting (and am even interested in the idea of elimination communication, which I have briefly written about previously here) and fully intend to solely breast feed for six months. However, as a likely single mother, I am not sure how practical such methods would be. I plan on having IVF and having two embryos implanted, so I couldn't imagine doing this with two babies if I were to be that successful. I suppose, when the time comes, I will have to make the decision on what is right for me and my family.

Please let me know what you think of the series.