Making Plans

Wow! It's been ages since I've posted on here! Please forgive me.

So, I'm planning on starting trying for a baby this year. It is both really exciting and so, so scary. I've spent the last couple of months busily trying to find as much information as I can about it all.

I had started out thinking I would go down the 'home insemination' route in a hotel room in a city called Aarhus in Denmark. They offered just what I wanted - anonymity. I could use an anonymous donor and they wouldn't know anything about me, either. I could do it all in the privacy of my own room (in the hotel). There were a few problems with this, the main being getting to Aarhus was either very expensive or very long. There are no direct flights there from local to me, meaning I would have to catch a connection in Copenhagen. Secondly, I have irregular cycles, so it would be quite difficult to plan.

So, I then started looking at other options. The first I found was a small practice, again in Aarhus (I think), which was run by midwives and which offered insemination. It seemed a lovely place, from the website, and I emailed them and they do treat a lot of British women. However, there were the same issues there, really.

So is started looking in to alternatives to that. Copenhagen itself has a number of fertility centres. Only I don't think you can go in and just buy sperm. So that got me thinking. What with my irregular cycles, it would probably be better to have the whole process medicalised to some extent. I haven't spoken to the clinic yet - I'm still a few months off trying yet - but I think IVF would probably be the route I would need to go down. and compared to over here, it actually seems relatively inexpensive.

So, I'm going to contact the clinic but have spent some of today coming up with questions I would need to ask them. Here is my list so far:

1-I'm aware of the need for close monitoring (USS, bloods etc). How do most of your women from overseas do this? Is it possible to get some of the monitoring done at a provide health centre in the UK? Will this be covered by the fees I pay you?
2-Will there always be someone involved in my care who speaks English and who is able to let me know what is going on? Will forms and literature be available in English for me? What about if I telephone?
3-How do I obtain medication? Will I need to get it in Denmark, or will you provide me with a script so I can get the medication back in the UK? Will there be any problems taking the medication on the aeroplane? Please explain the side effects of the medication and the regime. I understand some of the medications will be dependent on scan and blood results, will the new regime be available over the phone/email from you even if I have monitoring done in the UK?
4-What will the total cost be per cycle? Excluding medications, are the prices I see on your website what you will charge me? How much does the medication cost? Are there any ways I can bring down the cost?
5-How many women do you treat annually? What is the success rate, per cycle, of women delivering a live infant? How many cycles, on average, do women take to conceive a live infant?
6-At the time of embryo transfer, how many embryos will be transferred back to my uterus?

So that is all the questions I can think of at the moment, but will post more if I come up with them. If you have any other questions I should ask, please let me know.

It's been so long

The time just seems to be flying by at the moment.

I barely have time to keep up with everything, let alone write a blog. To be honest, seeing as how, until September, I was an avid reader, I am only just starting my second book this year! I know, it's really bad.

So, I think I need to do a book review, being as that was how this blog started out. I'm only a few chapters in, but it is written by one of my recently discovered (though he's been writing for years) authors, and I absolutely love him. I have therefore decided to tell you all about one of his other books, which I loved, loaned to my nan and she loved it, too. Bear with me, it has been a while since I read it.

The authos is Nicholas Sparks. The book is The Lucky One.

I first saw the movie Dear John, and thought it was really good - I now want to read that book. I prefer reading the book first, as I can picture my own characters, and, to be fair, the book is usually better. But that film was so good I will happily do it the other way around. When I saw that it was an adaptation from a book, I looked out for others by the same author, and came across The Lucky One.

I have a huge pile of books to get through at home, so I added this to the pile.

Eventually, I started on it, absolutely loved it, and want to get the DVD.

Plot Summary

Logan is an ex-US Marine who has served in Iraq. Whilst there, he found a photograph of a woman and, as no one claimed it, he held on to it. His friend told him it was his lucky charm, as Logan survived numerous attacks which killed his friends and comrades.

Back home and demobbed, Logan has walked across the US with his dog, Zeus (well trained - of course I'm not jealous!), and has found the woman in the photograph, Beth. He doesn't tell her about the photograph, and starts working in the family's kennel, becoming more and more drawn in to the family life.

Beth's ex-husband, the local sheriff, takes an instant dislike to Logan and does everything in his power to get rid of him. He finds out about the photograph.

Book Review

I do not often read books from male authors as my favourite genre is romance, and generally, the men do not do these books as well. However, Mr Sparks's take on romance is refreshing. It is, at the centre of it, still about love and romance. But it is from a man's perspective and this makes it different from the others. The main characters isn't some girly girl looking for Mr Right. Instead, he is a war hardened man who has lost numerous friends and has only his dog for company.

The characters are well written; Beth and Logan become real. I could picture their home, the kennels and the creak.

All I have to do now is find time to work through the rest of Mr Sparks' books.

On a separate note, I am so excited about Bridget Jones 3!

Blast from the Past

Saw an ex today. It was...strange, to say the least.

I hadn't seen this guy for years, and, well, I know he is a lying, cheating rat. But I just couldn't take the smile off my face. I think I'd say yes to anything he suggested.

Artificial Insemination

OK, following on from my post about being desperate for a baby, I have been doing some research.

Actually, I had started doing the research about a year ago. About a year ago, I also came to the conclusion that, in the UK, artificial insemination is very, very expensive. How could I afford to pay these fees and raise a baby? There are a huge number of other problems, too, which I encountered. Namely, since the change in the anonymity laws a few years ago (2005, I believe), there has been a huge reduction in the number of sperm donors, and more importantly, in the amount of sperm available.

From my research, there is only the opportunity to have artificial insemination in clinics in the UK. These clinics, and I'm not yet sure of my position on this, have the say on whether or not they treat a single woman. I understand that, as health professionals, they are responsible for their actions and omissions, and if inseminate someone who turns out to abuse or neglect that child, I suppose they, technically, could be held accountable for that.

However, people choosing to have a baby the conventional way have to seek no approval whatsoever. When the mother-to-be presents to the midwife, or the GP, they do not have to prove that they are going to be good parents.

Another thing with which I am not too comfortable, is the HEFA registration. I understand fully that there is a risk, a small risk, of that child unbeknown to them, meeting and falling in love with a half-sibling. However, getting pregnant with a one night stand may also pose the same risk, greater perhaps, as the semen could be ordered from anywhere in the country; a one night stand is likely to be had nearer to home.

Also, with the child having the right to know who their birth father is when they are 18 years old, or younger of getting married, I believe, what does HEFA do? Do they send a letter out on the child's 18th birthday? Or do they let the child contact them? What if it was never the right time to tell the child? What if the child was never in the right situation to process such information?

Having thoroughly thought all this through, I have decided that using a UK fertility clinic over here is not the right route for me.

There is at least one website on the internet which matches people up; men who are willing to donate and women wishing to receive sperm. In theory, this is great. It matches those in need with men of altruistic nature. However, there is no sort of screening. I know I mentioned considering a one night stand, but I don't think it is something I would be able to go through with. I just wouldn't feel comfortable using this service.

So, I have found an alternative. Denmark still allows anonymous donation of sperm. A huge proportion of their customers come from overseas, including the UK. And they provide sperm for self artificially inseminating. I mean, this is great. They ship to the UK. The sperm itself costs a minimal amount, the delivery is the major cost. They advise the use of two straws (I assume these are the equivalent of vials) per insemination. Now, if the delivery charge is like ordering from an online store, and the delivery charge is per order, rather than per item, then this is affordable. If, however, the delivery charge is per item, then it will be cheaper to fly to Denmark and self artificially inseminate in a hotel over there. I am, however, awaiting a response.

This is something I can definitely see myself doing. However (and this may be too much information) but my periods are a bit all over the place. I think the reason, or the main reason for this, may be because I have a few stone to lose. I have decided that I will lose this over the next six to nine months, and then go ahead with my plan.

It's snowing!

Well, it has been.

I don't mind the snow. I'm a big kid at heart, really. I quite like it, in fact. But it's went snow. It's not sticking at all.

But I wish we had the beautiful weather back.

So unhappy. I was on nights when we had the hot weather, so spent most of it in bed!

Urgh

Desperate For A Baby

I think I can hear my biological clock ticking. In fact, I know I can.

When I was a kid, I thought I would be a mum by the time I was in my early twenties, I thought that would be the bet thing for a kid, to have a young mum. But it didn't happen.

I mean, I'm hardly old or anything; I'm only 25. But I am desperate to be a mum.

You remember that episode in Friends? The one where they are celebrating Rachel's 30th birthday? Chandler gets her that card calling her a grandmother, and she gets upset, not because he is calling her old, but because she can't be a grandmother as he is not a mother. And then she says it's fine, because she wants kids by the time she is 35, but then has to meet the guy, be with him for a while, get engaged, plan the wedding etc etc before having a baby.

Well, I feel like that.

My mum was an older mum, and it upset me that she didn't really have any mummy friends. Her friends had children much younger, and so all the mums at school when she used to take us were about 10 years younger than her. I actually felt quite sad for her. As I got older, anyway. When I was younger, I guess I never really noticed.

And so, I wanted children earlier. When I was younger, I wanted my first by the time I was 20, and then 3 more by the time I was 27.

I want the whole marriage and house in the country thing first. I'm single, so I need to meet a guy (the one at work, apparently he has a girlfriend!). There are a few others at work, but it is just so hard knowing if they are with someone or not. Anyway, I don't want to be like some of the girls I know, and get pregnant within 6 month of meeting him. I want a couple of years with him, make sure that we are both in it for the long term, which means I would be heading on for 28 when we started trying (assuming I met him today). And I don't think I would get pregnant straight away.

Despite the fact that I want a husband and for that husband to be the father of any child/children I have in the future, I am getting that desperate to be a mum that I have actually considered a few other routes. I have thought about just going out, getting blind drunk and picking up the first man I see to father my child. But I'm way too scared for that. I have only ever, well twice when I was drunk. The first time, I was a teenager, and was flirting with this guy (after way too many vodkas - I didn't even fancy him, and I knew that I thought he was a bit weird when I was sober - he was the year above me in college). Anyway, one of the other girls started flirting with him and I got insanely jealous and felt lonely as she was there with her boyfriend. So I left the club with him. I couldn't go through with it completely, but I was absolutely mortified (maybe it was the guy and not the deed, though) and only told my friend about a year or two ago, and that was only because somebody else said something.

The other time, I was at a friends house party. A few months before, one of the lads had asked me to sleep with him and I said no, and we got talking about it whilst drunk and, well, one thing led to another. Mortified!

I'd also be way too scared that I would catch something.

I looked in to donor insemination, too, but I think I would be embarrassed by that, also. The child would be told about it, i my understanding, at the age of 18 years. I'm not sure how I would handle that.

I really want to be a mum, though. It physically hurt me when I see a pregnant woman/new baby. My stomach contracts and I feel a wave of sadness come over me. All babies make me say "aww" even screaming one. I know I'm ready to be a mum.

Here' the rubbish bit though. I don't know if I can have kids. My periods are erratic. I have occasional periods (cycles ranging anything from 4-52+ weeks). I know I need to get that seen to, but I was too embarrassed to even attend my smear test when the surgery sent me an appointment. And I'm scared in case they diagnose a gynae condition. If I don't meet that man, the one of my dreams, I am considering the armed forces as a career option, and someone I knew got turned down because they had a gynae issue.